In spite of everything I like to be alone.
I find in solitude, a way to live life better with others, to learn to recognize and respect my needs.
The biggest and first emptiness I felt in my life was with the end of university: after 18 years studying it was very strange not to have to do more and have a lot of free time available, not having to fulfill student duties, not having to respect expiration dates; all this created in me a first huge void that in a short time became an opportunity of life, the greatest I had had until that moment, the possibility of having everything ahead of me, of being able to choose anything, to go on a trip, to go climbing the world, to go to do any work in a place that would have really motivated me, to live experiences that filled my soul: everything was ahead of me.
I believe that studying at the University was following a pattern that my family transmitted to me. Although I have to say that I chose my studies from the heart, I chose geology because of the love I always had for the eleméntale world, with its geometries and its colors and for the magic that is intrinsic in them.
From finishing the University until today life more and more led me to be with myself, a little by my choice and a little by its direction: I never shared a flat with someone and when I started living in the mountains, in my house, in the middle of the forest, there I learned how much I had learned to enjoy solitude.
It was a wonder that little by little I discovered and not easily, I learned to be alone and to have a great time; in the mountains there is a lot of solitude but also so much nature. I learned for many years, until I learned that the practice of solitude was over and that it is essential to live fully sharing! So I got out of there to find people, find like-minded people and start sharing.
From my experience, I believe that learning to be alone has been a great step of personal growth, an indispensable step to understand the value of being in company.
The second void was even more powerful and exciting. And I think I'm still living in it.
This void was different and it is even different because it is rather a void in a typology of relationship, relationships with men, the men in my life: my father and my former partner. These are the two men who disappeared from my life in recent months, leaving me with an enormous sadness with which to face, deprived me of a protection that I had always had in life, of a support and affection that only from there had come to me.
The void left is very great and, as such, surely carries with it a great learning that I am gradually discovering; but still, at various points in my life, I don't know how to manage.
What to do? Running away from sadness by filling the void with things or people? It would be an interim solution…
Not now! It is not in my style, even less in this historical moment of my life, I do not have many plans to solve this, but the fact of living and listening / attending to the emotions that come.
Themore you live your inner emptiness, the more you will be connecting with your deepest self, and the more you will learn to know yourself.
